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Disneyland Sucks Ass We all know the slogans, “The happiest place on earth” and “The magic kingdom”. But what has Disneyland become? How far from Walt Disney’s dream has the Disney Corporation taken this special piece of Americana? Mr. Disney believed that “entertainment wasn't a luxury, but a necessity for a productive life.” So how does a dream started by a man with little interest in monetary gain, grow into one of the largest and most profitable corporations in American history? Well let’s just say, a lot of souls have been sold. So why exactly does Disneyland suck ass? Read on dipshit. 1.) Cost - Of course this is the most obvious reason. I don't think that most people realize how much of an ass fuck it is. The fact that they charge $50 for kids 3-9 and $60 for people 10+ should in itself be a crime. But wait there's more. What if you want to visit California Adventure (the shitty little addition they built so they could call themselves a “resort”)? For that you better tack on an additional $20 per ticket. But that’s not all. Once inside you need to eat right? You better bring an extra Benjamin for that. And what trip is complete without several trips to the various trinket and crap stores? Add another Benny. So it seems that an average family of 4 is going to have to fork out $400 - $500 for a single day of magic. That is not including hotel or any other travel amenities if you are from outside the area. Walt often said "Disneyland is a work of love. We didn't go into Disneyland just with the idea of making money." But it sure seems like that’s why we stay. 2.) Lines - If you are unfamiliar with the world famous Disneyland lines then here is a little experiment to simulate the experience. Go stand in the corner for an hour and a half. To fully replicate the experience play a pre recorded tape of some annoying kids screaming and whining. That’s exactly what you are paying for. The average person can get on 10 rides in a single day if they’re lucky. That computes to $6 a ride per adult ticket. The cost goes up the busier it is. 3.) Lost - The major reason I think Disneyland sucks ass, is because it is slowly losing the magic that it was built on. You can still find it on rides like the Jungle Boat Cruise that requires the efforts of a trained actor. But kids now a days think that ride is lame. They are trading it in for faster “thrill” rides, and the Disney Corporation is responding in full force. The fact that Disneyland has a looping roller coaster is enough to spin Walt Disney in his grave. But you might be saying “Those rides are in California Adventure and not in Disneyland”. Bullshit. It’s the same damn park. The only difference is there is a courtyard separating the two so they can charge an extra $20. I could go on and on about why I think Disneyland sucks ass, but I’m tired. The fact is that once again paradise has been lost in the name of money. I have included in this article a list of things you can do rather than go to Disneyland. You can use this list as a reference to save time and money. 1.) Get a root canal – It’s cheaper and less painful then getting dry shafted. 2.) Feed the children – For the total cost of a family of 4 to spend one day at Disneyland you can feed 62 children for a month. (feedthechildren.org) 3.) Go to a strip club – (this is my answer to everything by the way) Why not help put a young lady though college instead of putting pennies in a corporate goons piggy bank? 4.) Ride down a steep hill on a skate board on your stomach – You might end up paying a bit more in medical bills, but you will probably get a really cool scar. Chicks dig scars. 5.) Bet $500 on red – If you win then you double your money. If you loose at least you are helping our native American friends buy more liquor….uh hum I mean medical supplies and tuition (wink wink). 6.) Take out an add – Take out a full page add in your local news paper professing your love for Ricky Martin and sign your neighbors name. 7.) Vasectomy – Use your money for a vasectomy before it’s too late so you never get yourself into this situation. You get the point. The fact is that it is a damn shame what things become in the face of success. As you move along your journey in life please keep in the forefront of your mind one simple question, is it worth it? Is the action you are about to take worth all the repercussions to come? You may be asking how this pertains to Disneyland. Well if you know your geography then you know that Disneyland is just a stones throw away from one of the most impoverished areas of Orange County. How many people that literally have Disneyland in their back yard can actually afford to enjoy the park? Not too many I imagine. They are the ones doing the laundry, washing the dishes, and cleaning the toilets so that well to do families may frolic in the sunshine. This is far from Walt Disney’s dream. To Mr. Disney Mickey Mouse stood as a symbol for independence, today it stands for an entirely different reason. -= Bagoda =- |