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The Idiots Guide to Books for Dummies As I was aimlessly searching the internet as I often do, I came across the Wiley Publishing web site. This is the company that has brought us all those wonderful “Books For Dummies”. As I examined the site I noticed there were some books that really didn’t need to be written. Submitted for your review is my Idiots to Books for Dummies. The following are actual book titles.
This book makes me wonder how the human race has survived as long as it has. This exciting action packed volume includes such topics as; caring for your breasts and nipples, solving breastfeeding problems, nursing two children at a time, and breastfeeding outside the home. Now I’m not a mother, nor have I ever breastfed a child but I’m pretty sure that Mother Nature has already taken care of this. This book should be no more than 1 page long with the following text. Step One Expose breast Step Two Introduce baby to breast Step Three The kid will take it from there
This title boasts that “Bread Machines For Dummies is for anyone who has ever been frustrated by a bread machine…”. The only thing that frustrates me about bread machines is that they don’t explode when you throw them off the roof. They are sturdy little fuckers. The thing that amazes me is that they some how packed 244 pages into this thrill ride of a volume.
This one was written by the same man that wrote “Anti Social Behavior and its Subsequent Effects on the Development of Homosexuality For Dummies”. I can’t begin to imagine what exciting fun filled facts await me in this book. The publisher says that “Houseplants For Dummies is packed with houseplant growing techniques, tips, tricks, and even goes the extra mile with a chapter devoted to the various ways you can display houseplants if you’re looking for some bragging rights!” Well hot damn! Never mind the size of my penis, look at the size of my house plants. I have a plant I bought for $2.00 sitting in my living room. So far I’ve watered it. That’s it. The plant knows what to do from there. If it doesn't...it deserves to die.
Oh joy! I’ve been waiting all summer for this one to be released. Finally a book that speaks directly to me. Apparently the purpose of this book is to “discuss purchasing over-the-counter products and visiting with a dermatologist” in all 312 product placement packed pages.
This one was just too good to pass up. Any body interested in this book is advised to contact me first (females or rich old men only) as I have a great set of exercise balls. This book is filled with great topics like “Tips on selecting and maintaining equipment” and “Illustrated exercises covering a complete muscle workout..". With me as your personal trainer you might not get a full satisfying work out, but it will be faster and cheaper than going to the gym. This volume promises to be very stimulating if used properly.
This is just what the world needs, more idiots reading the bible. This book is filled with topics like “Ten people in the Bible you should know” such as that wacky Mexican hippy Jesus De La Cruz. This book attempts to decipher and explain 2000 years of misinterpretations of this "holy" text in a mere 432 hell bound pages.
Now I’m not the shiniest coin in the fountain but I’m pretty sure I would not brag about owning this book if I were a lawyer. Nor would I feel confident in any lawyer that has ever read or even heard of this book. Other titles in the making are, Medical School For Morons, and the Complete Idiots Guide to Self-Dentistry.
There are just some things that should be left to the experts. This seems to be one of them. For those of you who are not “in the know” Bioinformatics is the process of searching biological databases, comparing sequences, examining protein structures, and researching biological questions with a computer. As exciting as this past time is, it is probably something that dummies have no business meddling with.
This book was written by the worlds two oldest virgins. It asks the question “Dreaming of Dungeons & Dragons, but afraid it takes years to master the game?” It’s as if they have cracked open my mind and ripped out my inner most thoughts. How do they do it? At last I no longer have to lay awake at night dreaming of the day that I too may finally become a dungeon master.
There is nothing worse than a misunderstood retired racing greyhound. Although this book has many valuable tips for the owner it does not give any suggestions on how to scam the dogs out of their retirement checks. In the tradition of the great literary genius that has come before me to write these exceptional works, Here is a sneak peek at The Swinery Series of Books For Dummies.
-= Bagoda =- |
