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Women Aren't Funny It’s no secret that women aren’t funny. Not only are they not funny, but they are biologically incapable of taking a joke as well. Have you ever said to a woman “Hey your ass looks big in those jeans, I bet it would look even bigger on my cock”? I don’t advise it. Of the many times I’ve said that to random women, not once have I been given a high five and a “That’s a good one”! No, usually I am called a pig and eventually escorted off school grounds by campus police. Why? Because women have no sense of humor. Why aren’t women funny? Because there is nothing funny about doing the laundry or cooking dinner. There is nothing funny about mothering children and keeping your mouth shut. There is nothing funny about menstruation or feelings or feelings on menstruation. Those things have no place in comedy. Comedy is raw and uncensored. Women are not. Until you can look at yourself in the mirror without crying you have no business getting on stage. Let’s look at some of the “hottest” female comedians and see where they rank on the Laugh-O-Meter. Sarah Silverman A lot of people are calling this bitch the hottest thing in comedy right now. These are the same people who still think Saturday Night Live is on the “cutting edge”of comedy. If you haven’t seen this chick then you aren’t missing anything. She has a show on Comedy Central called the Sara Silverman Program in which she basically wastes peoples lives and tries to act cute to hide the fact that the is a no-talent hack. But she’s not cute. She’s annoying. If I could, I’d reach into my television set and strangle her annoying little neck. Ellen Degeneres Ellen is about as funny as a sack of rocks. But at least a sack of rocks is useful for doing things like beating midgets or keeping women in line. Ellen on the other hand, serves no useful purpose. I have never seen her new talk show but I have seen some of her old stand up. Even when I was stoned I still couldn’t squeeze out a chuckle to this bitch. Why? You know why. Laugh-O-Meter= -4 (even though she is ugly she is a lesbian and that will always be hot) Kathy Griffin Oh my god. There are about a million things I’d rather do than watch Kathy Griffin including hearing Fran Dresher have a screaming orgasm through a bull horn held 3 inches from my ear or possibly having one of my testicles removed without anesthetic. Watching this broad is like watching a big stinking vagina queef. This country could save a lot of time and money by using old tapes of her instead of the death penalty because I guarantee that anyone who watches her for any length of time will kill themselves without hesitation. Laugh-O-Meter = -987 Margaret Cho Whatever happened to this broad? Remember her? I think at one time she had a failed television show. I remember seeing her standup a few times and thinking to myself "Man, I have farted better jokes that this bitch". Her one main gag was to imitate her mother with a thick Korean accent. Hmmm, an ethnic minority comedian making fun of ethnic minorities. Really fucking original. Laugh-O-Meter = -17,293 Rosie O’Donnell This bitch seems to be the new spokesman for bitter old lesbians everywhere. I feel as though my life is much richer and fuller for never having seen The View (or The Spew as I call it). Back in the olden days she would have been drug out back and beaten a few times until she realized that she is an ugly, fat, no dick sucking cunt which means she serves absolutely no useful purpose to any man alive. The fact that ol' Rosie is on a national television show makes me further question the sanity of the American people. Laugh-O-Meter = -126,059,059,059,032,059 There are plenty more to talk about but I feel as though I would just be repeating myself. I had the opportunity to perform at the Comedy Store in Hollywood a few months ago and for some reason, 80% of the comedians there were women. For 2 hours I sat there listening to jokes about vaginas, PMS and mother-daughter bonding. That shit is not funny. There is nothing funny about a vagina other than the word vagina. Maybe a joke about two vaginas walking into a bar would be funny, but probably not unless it ends with them getting fucked over by some dick. The bottom line is this. Leave the important things like governing nations and making people laugh to the men. Those are two of the many, many things we are far better at. -= Bagoda =- |