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Apparently I'm A God Hating Heathen

I was at school the other day minding my own business when I ran across a man with braces on his legs and two canes supporting his frail little body. He was standing in a high traffic area of school, handing out a small pamphlet to any one who would take one. Normally I do not take these things, but for some reason I did, sensing it just might provide proper ammunition for another article. Boy was I right. The pamphlet I am referring to is called “We Are Americans”. Have you seen this? It was written by Dr. Samuel C. Gipp and distributed by a local Baptist church. When I first started reading this pamphlet I was angry at the contents within, but upon further reading I started to develop a sort of respect for the author. It seems that his writing style is much like mine (except he uses correct spelling and grammar) in that he is very negative and forceful. So of course I felt the need to completely exploit this man for the moron he is. Submitted for your review is why Dr. Gipp says I am a God hating heathen.

In this pamphlet Dr. Gipp attempts to explain to all of us heathens the real truth of the American government with the central premise being that this country was built on Christianity and nothing more. The bulk of his evidence comes in the form of quotes from the founding fathers. He also speaks of a deep rooted conspiracy by the “tyrants in the news media” and politicians today to completely eradicate that knowledge from our history books. During the course of my reading I found some very humorous lines that I believe would be un-American of me not to point out. All italicized red words are quotes taken from the pamphlet.

One of the first claims that Dr. Gipp makes is that Thomas Jefferson was a Christian. Now, I don’t know if that’s true or not (nor do I care), but his evidence is a bit shaky. According to the pamphlet Mr Jefferson claims "[my faith is] the result of a life time of inquiry and reflection, and very different from the anti-Christian system imputed to me by those who know nothing of my opinions. To the corruptions of Christianity I am indeed opposed, but not to the genuine precepts of Jesus Himself." In the very next paragraph the author makes this statement. “…Jefferson saw nothing of negative attached to being considered a Christian.” Did I miss something here? Didn’t Jefferson say he opposed the corruptions of Christianity? The man just said he opposed the corruptions of Christianity. This seems to be a common element among the religious extremists. It seems that any old interpretation of comments will do as long as they are written. But wait a minute, didn’t Thomas Jefferson also say that “History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government. This marks the lowest grade of ignorance of which their civil as well as religious leaders will always avail themselves for their own purposes”? Or what about “Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law”? I could have sworn that he said “It is between fifty and sixty years since I read it [the Apocalypse], and I then considered it merely the ravings of a maniac, no more worthy nor capable of explanation than the incoherence’s of our own nightly dreams.” Those things don’t sound very Christian like to me sir. But then again neither does the slavery.

Another quote Gipp uses is from George Washington speaking to a gathering of Indians. You do well to wish to learn our arts and way of life, and above all, the religion of Jesus Christ. These will make you a greater and happier people than you are." Oh yes, that has certainly worked out well for the Indians hasn’t it? Our good Christian forefathers made it a priority to make sure the Indians were a greater and happier people; a tradition that still goes on today.

Perhaps my favorite quote comes from John Adams. “Suppose a nation in some distant region should take the Bible for their own law book, and every member should regulate his conduct by the precepts there exhibited….what a utopia; what a paradise this region would be.” If I’m not mistaken they have already tried this little experiment and if I’m not mistaken, it is referred to as the dark ages. Gee I wonder why?

Now if this was as far as Mr. Gipp went, we can all agree that this article is unwarranted and unnecessary. Thankfully it is not. The following are actual quotes from throughout the pamphlet:

“Today many politicians, educators, and entertainers, have little regard to for the Bible or Christianity. They mock it, distain it or try to raise the writing of heathen religions to equal status in hopes of being considered politically correct.........So we see that the views of our Founding Fathers were that the Bible and it’s teachings were superior to any and every belief system on earth”

Way to go Dr. Gipp. You have just validated just about every thought and or opinion the world has ever had regarding religious extremists. According to your comment, there is no such thing as equality. Anybody that disagrees with you is less than zero and unworthy of consideration. It almost sounds like you are making the claim that this country was founded by a bunch of intolerant elitists out for their personal gain. Your not helping your case any.

“Are people of other faiths welcome here? Yes, they’re welcome here. But once they get here they are to forsake their inferior religion and join up with Christianity of America. The god of their ancestors wasn’t able to make their country as great as the God of America. So why stick with a loser god?” The stupidity of this one makes me laugh every time. It reminds me of my youth on the school yard. Remember those days? The days when a common argument would be “my daddy can beat up your daddy”. The previous statement sounds more like a three year old throwing a tantrum than a religious leader. You want to know what makes a religion great? Too bad I’m going to tell you anyways. It is humility, plain old humility, which is a virtue that seems to be foreign to Mr. Gipp.

“There have always been people in this country that hated God and resented Him being the God of this country. For most of our history, these people have been ignored and kept on the side line while those who were true to the founding of this country ran it. Occasionally they made attempts to gain power to gain control of the helm but they were always thwarted by God-conscious Americans who, in spite of shortcomings in their personal lives, acknowledged the pre-eminence of God.”

So what your saying is that we have justification for blaming the religious right for everything that is wrong in this country? Well it’s about time that some one finally admits it; you sir are a patriot in the truest meaning of the word. We would hate to see a non-Christian like, oh say, Abraham Lincoln rise to power. Wouldn’t it awful if he exercised true compassion and equality for all humanity and freed the slaves thereby crushing the world’s most proven economic system? That would be horrible. Wouldn’t it be frightening if we allowed people in government that allowed the people to think for themselves and make laws accordingly? What a nightmare. What would be a greater threat to your freedom than freedom for all?

“Then ever-so-slowly, dishonest educators fooled a generation into believing that the United States was intended to be a land of multiple faiths. These mini-dictators hid their hatred for the God of America behind their insincere demand for tolerance…..the invaders took over our schools and replaced academic excellence with courses on their immoral social values. Once the citizens of the United States were sufficiently dumbed-down there was another necessary step to be taken………”

This statement actually puzzles me. According to an earlier statement, the god hating heathens have been shunned by the true chosen people in all matters including politics. So how then, if the heathens have been ostracized from positions of power, could they ever mount such a campaign to undermine the true ruling class? I don’t quite get it. Aren’t our public schools controlled by the state and federal governments? If that be the case, then how did the “invaders” ever take control? I thought they had been forever side lined. Mr. Gipp you are beginning to follow a pattern here. A pattern that is unique to your kind. You are not making any fucking sense.

“……The movers and shakers of paganist teaching had to gain absolute, iron-clad control of their [the citizens] lives. The only way to control some one is to get them addicted to something and then control the source of their personal drug. Thus, public schools boldly introduced drugs to children to control them. Through movies, public schools and the new morality sex, alcohol, gambling, environmentalism, pornography, and other addictive, destructive actions were introduced to the lives of unsuspecting Americans.”

Wait a minute, did I read that right? He is actually saying that environmentalism is addictive and destructive. There’s nothing that is killing this planet faster than pornography and those damn environmentalists. I don’t consider myself an environmentalist (mainly because I’m too lazy to actually follow through on any such beliefs) but I certainly do not look upon these people as evil. Sure it is true that many go too far (not unlike many religious nuts), but on the whole where is the harm done? I like the statement “The only way to control some one is to get them addicted to something and then control the source of their personal drug”. That’s funny, I was under the impression that the only way to control somebody was to demand that they conform to your self righteous agenda using any means necessary to carry out your sick will. I was also under the impression that the number one tool to do so was fear. After all who would willingly abstain from the natural reproductive process unless they feared, oh lets say, a burning lake of fire, or eternal torture and pain?

“The founders of all the other religions in the world are still dead. What good is a religion that can’t even get the founder out of the grave?......The resurrection of Jesus Christ is one of histories undisputed facts.”

Of course it is dear. We all know that two plus two is four and that Jesus rose from the dead. The only thing that puzzles me is that silly little word fact. A fact is defined simply as “something that actually exists”. I would love to review the facts of this case. Oh wait THRE AREN’T ANY. We have the words of a two thousand year old book that has been changed more times than John Kerry’s political position. I think if we asked the Jews, Muslims, or atheists, they just might dispute that “fact”. This quote is just another prime example of this moronic egotistical nitwit trying to play a game that doesn’t exist. By your logic then, all the biblical tales are true and undisputable. If that’s the case then we are all inbred descendants of Adam and Eve. What’s more, we are all inbred descendants of Noah and his clan, which were inbred descendants of Adam and Eve. The biggest problem I have with religion is when people take this shit at face value. In this pamphlet the author quotes 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things become new.” Now if I were to take this sentence literally I would expect to look in the mirror and be a completely new creature, maybe some sort of a man-bear or a tiger-bird (that would be sweet). But we all know the mythological symbolic meaning of the sentence. If I except Christ I am reborn of the spirit. Why then do people seem to blur this line all over the place? Why does every one concentrate on the physical resurrection rather than the symbolic resurrection? I’ll tell you why. Without the resurrection, Jesus is no better than, lets say, Socrates. Their stories are nearly identical with the exception of one little detail; Socrates stayed dead. If that little fable of Jesus rising from the dead was not concocted, there would be no basis for him being the son of god (or is he god, I never did get that one straight) and Christianity would have burnt out a few years after it was started. That was the key ingredient the early Christians needed to spread their word, and the key “proof” needed for the tyrant rule of the Christians for so many centuries. I envision Jesus sitting somewhere looking at what the “enlightened ones” have done with his teachings, hanging his head and shaking it from side to side.

“If you wish to be part of that force [the enlightened ones], at some point a God hater is going to try to intimidate you into silence. Resist that intimidation. Be stubborn about being right. Right about America. Right about god. Right about morality. Don’t be bullied by what the news media or anyone else says against God, the Bible, or America.”

Finally we get to core of the modern religious right wing movement. Again the author sounds like a three year old throwing a temper tantrum. I’m right, I’m right, I’m right. Wah wah wah. Shut the fuck up already. Why is this “liberty” only extended to you sir? Why is it that you and your kind are the only ones that may participate in such attitudes? Do you really want to know? It’s simply because that it all you have. You have no bigger weapon than this. Am I the only one that feels a cultish feel to this writing? If I were to tell you of my deity Penelope T. Boysenberry that lives in my yogurt, and make the same comments as this, I would be labeled a cult leader (or maybe just crazy, but is there really a difference). The only difference is the social acceptability of the fable.

“Any cheap, intellectual midget can play the blame game”. I laugh every time I read this. I was under the impression that the entire point of this pamphlet was to blame the “god hating heathens”. Is this an admission by the author that he is an intellectual midget? Again I am confused by his contradictions but I guess that he is used to it by now. You kind of have to be, to believe in the crap he is peddling.

You want to know what makes America great? It’s because the citizens of this great nation don’t have to sit back and take this bullshit. We are free to speak our minds. We are free to think for ourselves ESPECIALLY if it offends the person next to us. But this is where maturity comes into play. A mature person (I am in no way claiming to be mature) will sit down with his moral “enemy” and discuss the situation at hand and take a look at the good points and discard the bad. The two will walk away from the conversation with a better understanding of the other without necessarily having to agree with them. It seems to me that that simple ingredient is absent from the American religious right wing movement, which creates an us against them attitude. If you are truly the spiritual leaders you claim to be, then this would have been solved years ago. But no, it’s never been about spirituality has it? It’s been about the same shit you condemn others for, power, greed, and control. That is your drug sir. That is your addiction. Every action you take in your pathetic life is nothing more than a means of feeding your addiction. You make me sick.


We Are Americans 1st Chapter Excerpt


-= Bagoda =-





Originally Posted - 10/01/06