 |
|
|
|
How to Get Your Landlord to Fix Shit Anyone who lives in an apartment already knows how hard it can be to get your landlord to do shit. Maybe it’s because we still use the term “landlord” as though this were still the god damn dark ages and the person renting us our shitty little apartments is some aristocratic knob jockey who requires a bow and a kiss to the ring when he enters the manor. But, probably not. No, chances are that most landlords are just money grubbing everyday Joes who get their kicks by making tenants beg for services that should have been performed ages ago. Either that or they're lazier than me but I sincerely doubt that that is humanly poss… And if you have ever lived in a college town then you no doubt have experienced that dealing with the lord of lands can be an even more ball busting experience because some folks have it in their head that all college students need is a bed for fucking and a fridge for food. That’s true but we also need our drains clear so our man juice doesn’t swim around our ankles while rubbing one out in the shower (because let’s face, not all of us involve a partner in our sexual endeavors) and at least some reassurance that the shower above will not fall in on us while doing said deed. So what is a person to do if El Lordo won’t fix his shit? Well, if your brain is a twisted as mine you have probably spent your finest hours plotting your revenge, things like inundating his office with gay porn mail, paying rent in pennies, or opening your bathroom to the neighborhood homeless population. But even with all the genius ideas swimming in my head I came up with an even more brilliant plan (that's double genius for those that are keeping score). The plan was simple and highly effective. You see, my garbage disposal had been broken for 3 months and each month I made sure to inform the manager of its state of brokenness and each month my requests went unanswered like a whore being mouthed raped. So then I decided enough was enough and I wrote this on the back of my rent check. 
Now, I’m not a lawyer (thank god) so I don’t know if that there is a legally binding document but I will tell you that just a few days later my god-damn garbage disposal was fixed. And what was wrong with it? A little fucking red reset button had to be pushed. It took longer for me to write this article than it did to fix the stupid disposal. I'm sure that I am as much to blame for not getting my fat ass on the ground to check it out but I never except the blame for shit. I’m an American god damn it! So, the next time you need something fixed try my method. If the landlord still doesn’t fix your shit then it may be time to resort to one of the other above mentioned methods. If that still doesn’t work, it may be time to burn the building down. I’ll bet he’ll fix shit then. -= Bagoda =- |