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I Love Everyone!!! I love everyone. I love little white college girls who think that they are the shit because they are white and have trust funds and well manicured vaginas that they won’t let me touch. Only in America would a 98 pound white girl fail to yield to a hulking behemoth of a man like myself and actually get offended when I also fail to yield and send her flying across the street with the pure force of my awesomeness. I also love watching her effeminate boyfriend huff and puff his disapproval as he walks away holding her purse, giving me a good stern frown of disapproval. I love the people who walk in groups of three’s and decide to take up the whole god damn sidewalk. No, it’s O.K. I don’t want to pass I am perfectly happy walking behind you and learning all about Molly and how she is a bitch and cheats on her boyfriend who knows it and who is fucking her sister out of revenge even though she has herpes and fucked her teacher in high school. Because that shit is so god damn interesting. I wish I could follow you around all day long and stuff the nuggets of wisdom that fall from your flavored lip gloss coated lips into my head and hopefully obtain your level of social superiority. I love pompous fags who think they are scholars because they read every fucking book on the suggested summer reading list and spout random sentences to everyone they pass. You guys are so awesome. I love watching them sweat buckets just before an exam because their self worth is based upon a single letter grade that has about as much meaning as their pathetic existence. I also love watching them get their exams back and scurry into the corner like a mouse with a newfound piece of cheese and commence to argue with the professor because he failed to reward them for the brilliance their over protective parents convinced them they had but has yet to meet the acid test. I really love that. I love squirrels. I especially love it when they decide to run out in front of me when I am riding my bicycle and scare the shit out of me and cause me to swerve and crash into a tree. Haahahaha. Just kidding. I don’t have a bicycle. I have an inefficient gas guzzling vehicle that I drive on improperly inflated tires that runs over stupid fucking squirrels without so much as a bump. I love flamboyantly gay men that run around shitting rainbows and think they are so fucking awesome they deserve a parade for sucking cock. I love it when they eye fuck my hot sexy body as I walk down the street as though I should be flattered that they desire my penis in their mouth. Well I am but I would never give them the satisfaction of knowing it. Wait, no. I really love all the bitter shrivel crotched Hillary Clinton supporters who can’t accept the fact that she fucking lost. And just like the bitter women they are they would rather jump the fence and vote for anyone other than the black man who beat them and robbed them of their dignity. You guys are so awesome. Apparently democracy is only good when your candidate gets elected. Why not go one step further and nominate her as a third party candidate if you’re so god damn disillusioned? She could not only be the first female president but also the first presidential nominee of the Saggy Titty Party. I love going to Wal-Mart and standing behind Big Mama and her 7 loud mouthed brats in the 12 item or less line as she unpacks her 4 cartloads of chocolate cookies and tank tops as she gives me the evil eye for being a white devil. I also love watching Big Mama whip out her wad of hundred dollar bills just before she waddles over to the Wal-Mart bank and cashes her welfare check. That shit is tight yo! Big Mama got it goin’ on! I love puppies and kittens and little fluffy bunnies especially when they are cut up and marinated into a nice stew. I love tripping blind children and pissing on hippies as they sleep in the park. I love going to Whole Foods Markets and rubbing all the overpriced organic produce on my balls. I love pulling up to the day laborers at Home Depot and telling them I am a contractor who is building a section of border fence to keep their smelly asses out of my country at which point they smile and nod because they don’t speak a word of fucking English. I love masturbating in public while preaching the good word and watching the expression on the cops’ face when I claim religious freedom. I love paying a prostitute to blow random homeless guys. I love writing exaggerated tales of comedic bullshit and receiving e-mails from people who take me way to seriously and say nasty things about me and hurt my feelings. But most of all I love Jesus. Amen. -= Bagoda =- This article has been filed under: Pointless. |