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MySpace is Like Sooooo Kewl! So I was at school one day a few months ago and a few of my female co-workers were “working hard”…..by that I mean surfing the net. As I sat and read my Discover Magazine I couldn’t help but overhear their almost childish giggles and comments. “Oh my god, look at this loser, she only has 39 friends!” Of course being the internet dork I am (back then especially) the first thing that went through my head was, “39 friends? Damn that’s a lot. That's too god damned many. I had no idea that they were talking about this new fangled phenomenon they called MySpace. I fucked up by letting it slip that I had never heard of this MySpace and inquired as to just what the hell it was. Well, for the next half an hour they made me sit there and watch as we viewed page after page of what appeared to be poorly laid out personal home pages with pictures of people kissing and looking “tough”. These marvelous pages were riddled with misspelled "blurbs" (what the fuck is a blurb anyways?) and a list of interests a fucking mile long. As they scrolled down I saw little boxes with pictures to the left and comments like "STFU u f*ck! N-E-ways, i'll sea u 2-morrow. Stay kewl LOL!". It was obvious that these were some kind of encrypted messages that we were not meant to be viewing. It was all way too much for me as I had abandoned the internet back in 1998, not using it for more than e-mail or the occasional search for the word “vagina” (to show you just how out of the i-loop I am, I had not even heard of Google until I took a networking class in 2003. I was humiliated by a super l33t0 member of the class that made fun of me for using HotBot). Immediately after my experience of major ADD inducing MySpace viewing, I vowed to never return. For many months I made good on this promise and completely ignored all the MySpace rhetoric I heard in the halls. It’s weird, before that day I had never heard of this MySpace bullshit, but after then I heard it everywhere. Its kind of like buying a car that you never heard of or paid attention to and then seeing them everywhere after that. It’s a bit like that…..just fucking trust me O.K., it’s my god damn story…..shit. So about a month ago in a burst of creative genius I decided to start a MySpace page for this website. Seeing as though it was for my website and not for me, it was acceptable to 3 out of my 4 personalities (although I rarely count Daisy as she is a stuck up whore that doesn’t approve of anything). So it was done. The Swinery officially had a MySpace…….yup…….sure did……….so I waited……..and waited…………and fucking waited. After much deliberation and many minutes ripped from my life waiting for their pages to load, I have come to a decision. FUCK MYSPACE. I don’t know how much clearer I can make it. Well, to be fair I decided to contact MySpace itsself and ask for an interview. After several chain letters, many quirky bulletins, and several failed friend requests later, the site accepted. Here is how it went. Me: What’s up MySpace? Hey, why do you suck ass? MySpace: You Must Be Logged-In to do That! Please enter E-mail and Password Me: O.K. *********** MySpace: Skip This Advertisement >> Me: Yes…skip the god damn thing - 3 minutes later MySpace: Internal Server Error Me: God damn it! - Refresh MySpace: You Must Be Logged-In to do That! Please enter E-mail and Password Me: Fuck! *********** - 12 minutes later MySpace: Welcome The Cesspool! You have - New Friend Requests - New Messages - New Group Invites Me: Oh boy, I am quite the popular MySpace socialite. MySpace: Hahahahah just kidding you fuck, I just wanted you to click them so you would see the advertisement and I could log them as a page views. You are a moron aren’t you? Me: Hey why don’t you spend the money you just made off of me updating your slow ass servers? MySpace: Why would I do that? Then idiots like you that own websites wouldn’t write articles about me. Me: Why does that please you? MySpace: BCUZ FUCKZ U is Y! HAha LOL OMG ROTFLMAO!!!! Ha ha. I’m so cute aren’t I? Me: No your not MySpace: =( Me: What ever…listen, are we going to have a serious interview or what? MySpace: O.K. I’m sorry. Me: So why do you suck ass? MySpace: Internal Server Error Me: Fuck this shit. So after nearly an hour of trying, I gave up on my interview and deleted my MySpace account. The bottom line is this, MySpace sucks ass. I have never been to a website that is so ridiculous in all my life (except for this one of course). If you are one of those hardcore MySpace addicts then I must take this opportunity to say HAHAHAHAH! You are a fucking loser. Not a loser in the “hey that guy smokes crack and rapes monkeys” way, no, much worse indeed. At first I was excited about all that I had heard of 15 year old girls posting naked pictures of themselves but I have been sorely disappointed. No one is getting naked, especially 15 year old girls. All those dumb bitches have their god damn profiles set to private. How is this supposed to help me see their poon? Shit, I’d settle for that fat emo chick that no ones likes just so I can say I saw a 15 year olds puss on MySpace. And why the hell does everyone insist on putting a god damn song on their profile? You have no idea how much this aggravates my search for 15 year old pussy pics. God forbid I want to listen to a CD on my computer as I predator my way through profile after profile. But no, I ham forced to listen to the first 15 seconds of every god damn Kanye West song or what ever crap song they have on their profile. And if for some reason they have a decent song that I want to listen to, I have to sit there with my thumb up my ass just to hear the god damn thing. Fuck that, fuck MySpace and fuck you! -= Bagoda =- |