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Radiohead: Radiohead: Does Anybody Give a Shit? Every so often a one hit wonder comes along and somehow gets the impression they are a real band. Such bands’ newest album (which is usually self-produced for obvious reasons) can be found in the No One Gives a Shit section of the record store or more than likely it's released online because no one is willing to sink a dime in distributing it. They usually refer to their music as art because it has absolutely no musical appeal and are worshiped by ignorant teeny boppers who are unaware of their 20 year legacy of failure and who gobble up their “cutting edge” "music" just to piss people off. Such is the case for Radiohead. Someone seriously needs to break them the news that they severely suck ass. Have you ever fucked the token fat chick at a party? You know, THAT fat chick? That chick that is only there because she has fat chick disability and buys the booze. The chick that sweats when she showers and needs a helper monkey to tie her shoes? Now imagine having her follow you around for a decade and a half like some sort of living shrine to your embarrassing lapse of sanity. Well, that’s Radiohead. The world made a bad mistake by giving them attention in the early 90’s for their easily forgettable song Creep. If we had known that 14 years later they would still be around trying to be a real band, I’m sure somebody would have bludgeoned them by now. The way it usually works is that bands know they are nothing but little boy scouts being manhandled by the scout master. Such bands usually take their shafting and their money and go about their lives like normal people. So why the hell can’t Radiohead do the same thing?
The vocal stylings of Thom Yorke have also been compared to nails on a chalkboard, tortured kittens, vaginal flatulence, and a retard with a microphone stuck in his mouth. Some people think he sounds like two sperm whales fucking but I happen to think they carry a better tune. Also, if you can figure out what the hell he is saying in any of his "songs", you are better than 99.9% of the hearing capable world. My favorite line is from that one song that goes "hhuuuhhyyaaaaahhuuuhhyyaaawweeeiiiiiaaaaaayy". You know which song I'm talking about? (HINT: it's all of them) In addition to his awesome voice, there is the age old visual comparison of Thom to the flamboyantly effeminate, and equally talented, Clay Aiken.
I happen to think that Thom Yorke bears a striking resemblance to another overrated "artist". You be the judge.
I hear a lot of folks saying how revolutionary Radiohead is and how their groundbreaking music changes peoples lives. Whatever. Apparently all it takes is a lack of rhythm, absolutely no musical talent, and a guy on heroin babbling into a microphone to be revolutionary. I'm going to go down to the methadone clinic and pick me up a meal ticket. I'll make sure to have a resident of the local insane asylum write lyrics so inanely meaningless and call it deep and meaningful poetry when people question me and then release my album online as to make sure every emotionally crippled emo kid with no life has access to it thus finding deep, life altering meaning in the gibberish and nonsense I have created and be called a genius. Whatever. Radiohead might be a decent band if they replaced Thom Yorke, got rid of Johnny and Colin Greenwood, fired Ed O’Brien and Phil Selway, and replaced them all with silence. That’s really the only way I can see this band being any good. If you are one of the people that continue to encourage this sort of behavior, please think about what you are doing. It’s a bit like pompous internet writers, the more you pay attention to them, the more they write and think they are great. Please don’t do that. Nobody benefits. Here's to another 20 years of mediocrity Radiohead. Hopefully by the time you are 70 you will realize that nobody gives a shit and no one ever did. -= Bagoda =- |
