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Fuck People
Living in Southern California I have seen a dramatic rise in population in just the few short years I have been coherent enough to notice such things. I currently live 22 miles from my school yet I have to leave my house a fucking hour before class starts to make it on time. That’s an average of 22 miles an hour. To top it off I drive a van and every BMW with a “USC Alumni” license plate cover feels the need to risk their pathetic little lives just to keep from being stuck behind me in traffic. I got news for you, you retarded fucks. We’re all going to get there at the same time. But I guess that being a whole whopping 7 feet in front of me is some kind of victory to those competitive business types. Whatever. Eat shit. Once I get to school I am confronted with more people. People that I have never met before are easy to deal with. I just pretend that they do not exist, thereby making interaction physically impossible. But then there is the awkward moment when I am walking down the hall and in the distance I recognize the figure of some loser I sat next to in some boring class I hated to begin with. I quickly scan the perimeter for possible escape routes but it’s no use. I would give anything at this exact moment for an earthquake or an explosion at the nearby oil refinery, but no luck. Contact in 5, 4, 3, 2….”Hey what’s up man?” is all the genius can think of saying .What’s up man? What’s up MAN!? You really want to know what the fuck is up? What’s up is that I’m 26 years old living with my mother. What’s up is that I am broke and my stomach is growing so fast I have lost all visual contact with my ball sack. What’s up is that for the past 17 seconds all I could think about was bashing your head in to keep from talking to your bitch ass. That, my friend, is “What’s Up”. But you don’t give a shit do you? You didn’t even slow down to pretend that you gave a fuck did you? Fuck you. Another superficial human contact. This scenario is made worse if you are currently taking a class with or working with some one. The other day I was on break from Spanish class and I decided to get a cup of coffee. In my travels I saw another member of class approaching from the opposite direction. Again thoughts of homicide raced through my head at the prospect of superficial human interaction. What am I supposed to say to this guy? “Hey man, I just saw you in class but now that we are in an entirely different setting I am obligated to acknowledge your presence yet again despite the fact that we have never spoken inside or outside of class.” Fuck that. I have better things to do, like self righteously judge you. But then things get worse if it’s a teacher. A few days later the same scenario happened but with the teacher. I chose to take a stand and pass by him without acknowledging his presence. A look of hurt confusion filled his face as though I had just raped his mother. It’s probably not the best thing to do to someone that is grading your papers. But why the fuck should I be obligated to acknowledge the presence of someone just because they are THERE? This truly puzzles me. Luckily most teachers are just as selfish and self absorbed as I am, but every once in a while we do run into that “Bright ray of golden sunshine” that is going to change the world. These people make me wonder why homicide is a crime. The other day I was walking to class and I observed a shining example of this superficial human interaction. The teacher was a few minutes late so a student left the room to use the restroom. It just so happened that the teacher was coming in as the student was leaving and the teachers’ remark was, “Leaving so soon?” That’s the best you can do? With all your fancy degrees and learnin, that’s the best you can do? I’m sure that the student woke up at the ass crack of dawn and dragged her ass out of bed for this winter intersession class just to leave because the teacher was 2 minutes late. You’re so witty and funny, I wonder why you are 46 and still single? And what about those mother fuckers that I have only met once, yet there is some kind of eternal obligation to acknowledge? I'm sure that most people have one or two of these assholes in their life. You know that guy that just happened to be there at some trivial time during some trivial task that now feels as though you share the great bond of brotherhood? Fuck that guy. There was a guy at my work that came into the office to fix an electrical problem about a year ago. He was there maybe a half an hour and of course at the time I was polite and kept from spitting in his face. So I guess now he thinks we are the "bestest friends ever" because every time I see him he feels obligated to smile at give me that enthusiastic "Hey Man!" If he didn't look like the kind of guy that would skin me alive make a mask out of my ball sack, I might just ignore him......but he scares the shit out of me. And then of course there are those ever so awkward interactions with people of other races. At this point some of you might be feeling a little uncomfortable but believe me, your a fucking racist whether you want to admit it to not....no matter what color you are. For a white person it's like "oh shit there's a black guy, I better smile and say hi so he doesn't think I'm a racist. Boy that sure makes me feel better and also convinces me I have no racial prejudices." And of course the black guy is like "fuckin' cracka". I envy the Hispanics because they can just pretend like they don't speak English and bypass all the bullshit. I also envy the Asians because no one wants to speak with them in the first place. Asians are like ghosts in the hallway, they just pass on by without much recognition. And of course if some one does acknowledge them and they don't want to speak with them they could always say "No me no Chung Foo, me Wang Sung." And even if he where Chung Foo no one would question it because they all fucking look the same right? My interactions with women are much the same. I really don’t give a fuck about anything they have to say. My only question is “Are we gonna fuck or what?” I have little time or desire to hold a conversation out side of this single issue. My biggest quarrel is with the whole “Shake your ass and pretend your cute” bullshit. You’re not fucking cute. You are fucking pathetic. As a man I want nothing more than to take you to the nearest restroom and inject my seed. But no, that’s not acceptable. For some reason most women want more. They somehow figure that a single act of procreation justifies a lifetime of nagging and bitching. I'm sorry but your pussy is not worth more than ten minutes to me. So as you can see I could probably go on forever but I realize that I have most likely stretched your attention span to near its breaking point. As I go about my daily business of surviving I can’t help but wonder how some people have made it this far. With all our “moral” obligations and socially pressured “good deeds” we are actually making matters worse. The more idiots we keep from walking off a cliff, the more idiots there are alive. And the more idiots that are alive means that there are more idiots reproducing and tainting the gene pool. With each passing day I anxiously await the next plague or world war that might finally bring relief to the unnatural state of existence we hold so dear. If you agree with me then please do your part. The next time you see a group of punk ass teenagers crossing the street, don’t slow down. The next time you see a retard in the store, punch them them in the balls to keep them from reproducing. But above all, don't give in to superficial human interaction. If some one asks you how you are doing, tell them. If they they don't want to hear it then follow them until you are done talking, even if they walk into class or their office. Tell them about the herpes soars you got from fucking your wife's sister but now you have to pretend you have a pulled groin muscle until it goes away to prevent her from finding out. Tell them all about your secret illegal immigrant prostitution ring that has been quite lucrative. Tell them all about homeless man you kidnapped and tortured just to see what it felt like to kill a man. I guarantee that after said conversation, they will never bother you again. -= Bagoda =- |
