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The Sweet Revenge of A High School Slacker Remember the guy from high school that everyone said was a loser? The guy that sat in the back of class and quietly fell asleep or stared at the wall? The guy that carried around an empty backpack or nothing but a pencil behind his ear? The guy that came to school half drunk or stoned and was on a first name basis with everyone from the principal to campus security and thought it was no big deal to wear the same shirt for three days straight? Remember that guy? This guy is what made teaching fun. Teachers would wager on him as if he were a horse. Only they wouldn’t wager on him winning anything. Quite the opposite. They would make bets like: “20 bucks says the drool hits the floor” or “50 bucks says I can make him piss his pants by saying Titicaca". Yes, we all remember this guy. He made everyone feel so much better about themselves simply for the fact that they weren't him. As a matter of fact I remember him all too well. For I am that guy. High school seriously licked balls. After my first semester the good folks in the decision makin’ office decided I was a “special” child and might benefit from the schools remedial program, also known as special ed. Let me tell you something, people can talk shit all they want but special ed was the greatest thing to ever happen to this slacker. If you are in high school, let me give you a few words of friendly slacker advice. If you ever wanted to know how to get high all day, do absolutely no homework, and still pass a class, enroll yourself into special ed. I don't even remember my sophomore year, but I passed every single class with a B average. But alas, in my junior year, even the simple act of getting out of bed proved too burdensome for me and after a month or two of going to school only at lunch (it was the closest place to eat) I decided to quit half-assing it and become a full time slacker. So what becomes of this guy? Does he end up a boozer living in the gutter? Does he end up in jail for petty crimes to support a drug habit? Does he clean up, get his GED and maybe a job working at 7-11 in which he eventually gets fired for stealing a book of lottery tickets? Well, for me all of the above came true. I received my GED in juvenile hall while serving 6 months for residential burglary, spent the first two years of my adult life face down in a gutter, homeless and in and out of jail. I even worked a few months at 7-11 but was soon fired for stealing 250 scratchers (that I eventually had to pay for). This is an inevitable end for a true slacker. The title of Cesspool Messiah is a title I have earned, not some nick name I gave myself to sound cool. So how the fuck do you explain something like this?
That's right bitches, all you doubters can lick my balls. It took a few extra years but I did what was at one time deemed impossible. That is a genuine UC Berkeley acceptance letter (actually that's not the letter but an insert that was included with the letter.) So how the fuck does that happen? I am supposed to be dead by now. I guess it would be just as hard to explain this as well:
I guess it's possible to have your cake and eat it too. How does the biggest slacker in school obtain admission to two of highest ranked public universities in the nation? Revenge. Sweet revenge. Any old pussy can buy a gun and shoot up their school but that shit's or amateurs. What better revenge than to surprise your former naysayers by popping back into their lives as their boss? How would it make you feel to know that you are working for the same guy that spent 7 years of his life in an intoxicated state of mind only to sober up and receive a degree that is worth more than your pathetic little life? I am officially better than 94% of every person I went to high school with. Slacker 1. High school 0. Eat shit high school. God bless America. -= Bagoda =- |
