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Rejected Corporate Slogans
Just about every company has a slogan. But
most of the time that slogan does not match up with its practices or
customer base. Using my self-given position as knower of all things,
I have decided to present to you a rare look at a few of the rejected
slogans considered by some very large companies. This is a rare look
into the mind of some of the largest corporations in the world. I
had to call in a number of favors to get this information so please,
pass it along. To tell you the
truth, I might be more inclined to buy some of their products or use
their services if they had stuck to these slogans.
It's a proven scientific
fact that AOL users are idiots. At first I was surprised to
see that AOL was still in business but then it dawned on
me that stupid people are breeding at an alarming rate and they will
always require over priced access to their precious MySpace. The
company decided to scrap this slogan because they felt that too many
words on their logo would confuse their customers. In a recent poll
of AOL users only 8% actually knew what the acronym stood for and a surprising .02%
actually knew what an acronym was.
In response to the many complaints surrounding Windows Vista,
Microsoft considered shortening their little known corporate
slogan from "Fuck you, we own the world bitch" to
simply "Fuck you". The company had to eventually
abandon both slogans after learning they were already
trademarked by the US government and IRS respectively.
With thousands of years of recorded history to display, the
History Channel chooses to fill 75% of their programming schedule
with grainy WWII programming. Apparently they shop at the same
bargain basement those shitty DJ-less radio stations do, buying
a great big bundle of shit that not even the 99 cent store could
sell. Although I am still completely baffled by their multiple
showings of Planet of the Apes (as though it has some historical
value?), it is a welcome change from marathon
Nazi sympathizing.
Not only is Digg a great source for shitty news, they also provide
a valuable service by testing server limits and stacking up bandwidth
overage charges to unsuspecting web masters. They are a lot like a horny
teenage boy with a large cock that goes around fucking anything that moves.
It's fun for him but not for the pussies puting their resources on the
line. The company eventually decided against the idea and adopted the current
slogan of "Eat shit, we're rich".
The fine folks at McDonald's kicked around this slogan after a
lawsuit was filed on behalf of a women who claimed that McDonald's'
food was the cause of her obesity. It was later scrapped after
the company won their lawsuit when it was discovered that they do
not in fact actually serve "food".
Somehow the folks at MSNBC think that watching pedophiles stalk
a 13 year old girl or some toothless old bull dyke profess her
love for some young toothless bull dyke should take priority over
actual news. I realize that the current events unfolding in the
middle east are no where near as interesting as some convict named
Jerome being "wrongly" accused of beating some dude with
a bar of soap in his sock, but please remember what your function is.
I really could care less about what life is like inside Anamosa State
Penitentiary. If I was that curious I'd go to Iowa and rob fucking a liquor store.
No longer is the internet for fat, nerdy white guys who couldn't get laid to save
their lives. With the dawn of the the almighty "Social" network, the
internet has been opened up for an untapped market. In days of old,
inner city computer labs were abandoned as computers sat collecting
dust. That is no longer the case. With the rise of MySpace, these
same barren rooms are filled with life once again thanks to shitty
prefab layouts and annoying profile music. Thanks to this marvel of
modern man the internet is now socially acceptable to the urban
crowd. The folks at MySpace
decided not to go with this slogan because they didn't want to get
their nerdy white asses kicked.
This slogan was kicked around by the Wal-Mart board of directors to
accurately
portray what CEO H. Lee Scott calls "All this fussin and a feudin"
between the so called "liberal socialists" and the hard working
American people. This image was also considered to replace the rebel
flag as the new symbol of the south but was soon abandoned when it was realized
that no one gives a shit.
-= Bagoda =-
Originally Posted - 7/15/07
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