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I Would Still Fuck Britney Spears By reading the title some of you may be asking what kind of sick sexual pervert I am to say such a thing. Well, you can rest assured that your question will be more than answered (in more graphic detail than you had hoped for) by what follows. I don’t care what anybody says, Britney Spears is still one sexable piece of love meat. In fact, I would go so far as to say that she is more sexable now than at any other point in her career. Why? Is it because she is crazy? Yes, partly. It’s a statistical fact (probably) that crazy chicks are easier to get into bed and are willing to do shit that normal chicks won’t do like punch themselves in the face while smearing coco butter between their ass cheeks with a luffa while they smack my balls with a ping pong paddle as I sing the star spangled banner. My last girlfriend did it, but I could tell her heart just wasn't in it. Plus, crazy chicks usually have all kinds of great pills just lying around waiting to be taken or sold for crack money. Crazy chicks are pretty awesome if you ask me. But that’s only part of the reason why I’d fuck Britney Spears; although I hardly feel as though I need much more justification than that. Anyways... Despite my massive following of loyal nerds, I am just a simple, everyday (albeit excessively handsome) guy. The closest I have come to banging a celebrity is the time I fucked a prostitute that was busted on the show Cops. I was so excited when I found out she had been on T.V. I asked her to autograph my cock with her mouth. But what real celebrity would sleep with me? Maybe Sarah Silverman but much like getting a blowjob with a condom on, what’s the point? That’s my nickname for Sarah Silverman. Blow job with a condom on. If that doesn’t keep my wood at bay all I have to do is imagine Jimmy Kimmel’s fat white ass as he plows old blow job with a condom on in a fury of passionate Jew sex. Anyhoo…to get back to my point. What was my point again? Oh yeah, no real celebrity would fuck a guy like me. The best I can hope for is washed up former celebrities that used to be hot. Observe the case of Britney Spears…
The great thing about fucking a chick that used to be hot is that all you need to do is tape a picture of her in her glory years to her face while your stuffing her and you are instantly fucking a hot chick. It’s the same vagina, different face. It’s a lot like dating a good looking fat chick and tying her up in your basement until she drops 100 pounds but this way is much quicker (or more “ethical”, whatever the hell that means). Also, there is the idea of comparison to think about. This is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Short people buy small dogs to look taller, fat chicks hang out with fatter chicks to look skinny, and some guys marry crazy broads to look more competent. It worked for Kevin Federline didn’t it? Before Britney flipped out Kevin Federline was considered a dead beat gold digger but now, compared to his insane ex-wife, he looks like a fucking saint. Well god damn it, I want to be a saint too. So, Britney Spears may be a crazy, drug addicted whore but that only works to my advantage. In the course of a few short years the line to her vagina has gotten considerably shorter. I’m hoping that she flips out in the insane asylum and kills a few people so that the line will get even shorter. Until she does something tragic like disfigure her vagina in anyway or contracts AIDS (although that’s no always a deal breaker), I would fuck her and if you are a man with a working penis you would too. -= Bagoda =- |
