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Who The Fuck Are You? First of all I would like to thank my regular readers for putting up with the last few perfunctory articles (that’s right bitch, I said perfunctory), even though we can all agree that my worst is far better than the best’s best. Anyways….. This article is dedicated to all you self righteous, hypocritical, morally perfect, bullshiters out there. I realize that people like that are most likely not viewing this website (wink wink), but it is my hope that the good people of The Swinery will do the world a favor and help spread the word amongst the moral majority. This article is intended to step on beliefs, spew my own opinions, and is not to be refuted. If you feel you might be offended by such things then quietly exit and kiss my ass on the way out. For those of you who have chosen to remain, submitted for your review is my answer to the age old question: Who the fuck are you? Most people are asked this question by an opposing party in an angry moment of a debate. This question is the last refuge of an imbecile going down in flames. Observe: Genius – “I feel as though blah is blah blah and blah should just fucking blah”. Idiot – “Oh yeah….and who the fuck are you?” Who the fuck am I? I am the person you are having a conversation with you cock-sniff. Why would you ask this question? Why don’t you say what’s really on your mind? Oh that’s right, you’re an idiot with a single point and you’ve already made it. I feel I am getting carried away, for that is not really the basis of this article. I guess I will be the one asking such a moronic question today (although when I ask it, it is a good and valid question). Who the fuck are you, or just as meaningless, who the fuck do you think you are? A line from one of my favorite songs: “Who the fuck are you to turn your views into my laws” (Eric Schwartz – Keep your Jesus off my penis, which can be found in the audio section of this website). This on the other hand is precisely what this article is about. So what does this semi-coherent mindless babble have to do with anything you say? It has a lot to do with everything if you’d just shut the fuck up a minute. I am sick of people in this country (and Italy) telling me how to live my life. I am sick of morons spending millions of dollars to convince me that they are right. I am sick of people passing bullshit laws to prevent other people from doing shit they think is wrong. Dictionary.com defines freedom as “the power to determine action without restraint”. I am free to determine what is right and what is wrong - WITHOUT RESTRAINT. But a restraint has to exist. We call this restraint personal liberty. The definition of personal liberty is “the liberty of an individual to do his or her will freely except for those restraints imposed by law to safeguard the physical, moral, political, and economic welfare of OTHERS.” So what we have learned so far is that we are free to do what ever the hell we deem right, just as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. If I decide to live on fast food, ice cream, and bacon grease, gain 500 pounds, sweat constantly, become immobile, and have a heart attack and die, then that is my business. But no, there will always be some bitching WASP cunt box there to tell me how wrong it is to exercise my personal liberty. At the same time if you feel the need to smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day, stink like shit, stain your teeth, and eventually die a horrible and painful death, that’s fine with me. The only thing I ask is that you don’t infringe on my freedom of choosing not to smoke. So why then do some people find it necessary to take away other peoples liberties? The only answer I can come up with is that everyone’s a damn hypocrite. That’s right I said it. EVERYONE. I just violated the golden rule of creative writing. And yes, everyone includes you. I don’t know why people somehow think they are not included in everyone. The fact is that everyone has an addiction (or vice, if you’re trying to be nice). Be it money, sex, or power (or a combination of all three), we all rely on something to get us through this fucked up science experiment called human existence. From the junky in the street to the corporate baron, we all need something. From the morbidly obese to the dangerously underweight, we all need something. From the asshole woman beater to the women that stay, we all need something. I challenge you to find me one person without such a “crutch”. The difference lies in the social acceptability of the addiction. The corporate baron negatively affects more people than the junky in the street, but who is perceived as less than zero? I am addicted to Monster energy drinks and masturbation (which goes hand in hand…get it….hand in hand….anyways). At one time I was addicted to cocaine, alcohol, methamphetamine, misery, and masturbation (old habits dies hard). Yet I still have the audacity to condemn and judge others for the very behavior I have either exhibited in the past, or continue to display. I’m a god damn hypocrite, this I know. Realizing I am a hypocrite, I am able to identify the hypocrisy that flies out of the pie holes of so called righteous folk. This being so, you will never hear me utter the words “who the fuck are you” because I already know. You’re the same person I am. You’re a lying, backstabbing, manipulating, condescending, self righteous, sadistic piece of shit just like me. Is that too harsh? Maybe. But the fact is that we all have a bit of these qualities to some degree. At this point I wish to act upon my personal liberty and exercise my right to contradict myself and ask a few questions of my own: Who the fuck are you to tell me what is morally right? Who the fuck are you to tell gay people they may not marry? Who the fuck are you to hold scientific research in contempt based on your little belief system? Who the fuck are you to call anyone that does not conform to your ideology a “sinner”? Who the fuck are you to tell me (or anyone else) what God’s will is (or even that that such a being exists or doesn’t). Who the fuck are you to oppress those who are different from you? Who the fuck are you to decide for me, all by yourself, what I should think, or how I should act? Who the fuck are you to stick your nose into anybodies business? You might be asking a few questions of me at this point like: Who the fuck is this guy to ask who the fuck I am? Who the fuck is this guy to ask who the fuck these other people are? Who the fuck are these other people? Is he talking about Hilary Clinton? She has a nice ass for an old chick. Why the fuck am I talking to myself? If I don't agree with this dipshit then why am I still reading this? How long is he going to go on like this? Does this piece of shit have a point? I wonder what he looks like. Does he do public speaking engagements? I should probably read on........ This world is full of crazy ideas and whacky beliefs. That is precisely what makes it so unique. There are some people that would view paradise as some twisted Gilead-ion society where all is well on the surface and no one speaks of the truth. There are those that wish to see a world wide Las Vegas emerge from the ruins of modern conservatism. But how well off would we be with either extreme? The fact that we have a freedom to choose and a personal liberty to help regulate harm done to others is what makes life so interesting. Most of my day is spent self righteously condemning others. If we were all forced to act the same, my favorite past time would be ruined. My point is that diversity is the key ingredient to survival. Anybody that has taken an introductory biology course can tell you that. It’s true that most people make poor choices. Just look at the health of Americans. But does that make them bad people? Does that make them less than human? Only if you’re a complete idiot. So the next time you speak your mind and some one asks you…who the fuck are you? Simply reply with the truth. Tell them you are them and they are you and just maybe the hypocrisy and bullshit that they see in you is merely a smoke screen they use to hide their fragile little ego's from the all too painful reality that is their truth. -= Bagoda =- |